The Painful Kiss
by Doctor-River
Summary: set in S6 ep2  River worries about when her time will end with the Doctor, she knows it will kill her but she can't bring herself tell him that, although he already knows...


**A/N: Slightly spoilery if you've been living under a rock, or in a hole and not seen any series 6 trailers. This is a 2000 word (excluding the A/N) oneshot of my interpretation of the kiss in episode 2 of series 6. it's intrigued me since the first time I saw it, so I thought I'd write this before the episode aires to show you what I initially thought. Enjoy...**

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><p>He paused just before entering the blue Police Box and turned around. He marched back to the metal bars opposite him, his feet echoing in the dark corridor as he strolled over.<p>

"Doctor?" she breathed his name heavily.

"River..." He said as he reached the bars, his body a few small inches away from hers. "I'm sorry about what I said before; I had no idea and no right to even think it." He began his ramble of apologies. "The things I said I now realise would've hurt you so much more than anyone. I know this isn't easy for you, and neither is it for me but it must be so much more painful for you. I didn't mean any of it..." he continued.

River meanwhile just stood with a heartbroken face listening to his every word, she told herself repeatedly she wasn't going to cry. She had done enough of that today, still there were no promises. Her body stiffened as she remembered what she had said to Rory earlier, those exact words replaying over and over in her mind so much it made her feel sick. The emotion was bubbling in her stomach as she wrapped her hands around it tightly trying to subdue to burning pain searing inside of her. This had triggered a momentary silence.

The Doctor's face crinkled with confusion mixed together with worry. "River, are you ok?" he asked leaning closer to the bars, slipping his hands through so they were holding her forearms. His eyes focussed on her in the minimal light they did have, he searched for her aqua eyes which took a while until they made contact in a deep, loving gaze.

"I'm fine... just feeling a bit sick is all..." River forced a smile from her lips, although she was lying through her teeth.

"...And what about today? You haven't been the same, there were times you were so happy but other times you were so sad I didn't even recognise you. Is something troubling you River?" he questioned.

Her eyes filled up with tears as the words still echoed in her memory, should she tell him, could she bring herself to tell him? "I... ask Rory, he'll explain. It's not spoilers, it's just _I can't say it._" She replied with a trembling voice as the first few tears fell. She broke eye contact and held her head low.

The Doctor lifted her chin with his finger to make her face him. Her cheeks were already soaked with tears; more were falling even quicker now. It pained the Doctor to see anyone cry, especially River. He felt as if he truly connected to her today, yes he did say he couldn't trust her but that seemed to fade away with everything else that happened. He gazed at her deeply for a moment, unsure how to deal with this, their timelines are so delicate that he has to carefully consider what he does next in this emotional time for River. His eyes wandered to her lips, he knew what he wanted to do...

Slowly, he leaned his head closer to River's easing his eyes closed. His lips found hers locking together in a blazing kiss of lost passion and burning love for her. It took a moment before he gained a response from the shocked River. She wasted no time in catching up, she treasured this kiss like it was her last as she often wondered when her last would be, she would dread that day ever coming. She slipped her left hand around the Doctor's neck implying she wanted it to last.

He had always wondered what it would be like to kiss River Song and now he knew it was the most amazing feeling he had ever felt, she was a mind-blowing kisser! In fact, he was enjoying it so much he risked letting his tongue taste her bottom lip licking it so gently, pleading to let him deepen the kiss. He wasn't sure how stupid he was being or whether it was a good idea making his first kiss with River this passionate. She accepted however, which took him by surprise slightly but as he considered who he was kissing it wasn't that shocking.

His tongue slid into her mouth entwining with hers as he deepened the kiss. Each movement was mirrored perfectly. He got very used to River's kissing very quickly when she finally caught up with him, sometimes even going ahead of him. It felt so right to kiss her, his feelings drawing him in until they completely took over. He didn't care how crazy he was being, he was generally interested in this woman far enough to say he loves her.

His arms wrapped around her back, one around her waist and the other mid-way up, resting on the back of her bra. His fingers gliding on her body wanting to do so much to her even if there were prison bars in the way. Those hands explored every part of her body front and back as his fingertips darted along the thin layer of material separating their skin. His body was leaning on the bars desperately trying to find hers.

River arched her back pressing her breasts against the Doctor's chest; she enjoyed the intimate closeness especially this early in _his_ timeline. As his hands came to her front running up her legs, her stomach to her breasts touching them in the right way she let out a very faint moan. His hands now under the material of her low-cut dress and into her bra she rewarded him with another moan.

He felt it in his own mouth; it was quite the turn on. She wasn't making this any easier; he had to leave her soon all alone in prison. It had to end sometime otherwise he would end up never leaving, but he decided once more would be satisfactory. But it had to be amazing, a treat for both him and her. He ran his fingertips over her bare chest with his thumbs gently running over her nipples. That done it, she let out a much louder much more seductive moan that sent a shiver down the Doctor's spine. Yes, he was crazy but satisfied.

Once he was pleased enough he slowed down the kissing indicating to River he had to leave. She understood and also slowed down the kissing. He withdrew his tongue slowly and regrettably parting his lips from hers as his hands came back out from under her dress.

He opened his eyes immediately looking straight into hers. She had stopped crying now but her cheeks were still stained with the previously shed tears. He placed his hands on her cheeks cupping them and wiping away the tears tenderly. Before now he had never really known how to treat a woman with such passion or be caring when she was sad, with River however it just came naturally.

She faintly smiled at him through the pain, showing that she appreciated him caring for her. She still felt sick, but not as sick as before now she could cope with the pain. She could still see the curiosity and concern in his eyes, she had a feeling he would want to know something so she braced herself for the questions. She wasn't going to cry anymore in front of the Doctor after their rollercoaster of emotions they both went through today.

"River..." her beautiful name rolled off his tongue. "Does Rory _really_ know what's wrong?" he asked not wanting to seem stupid asking Rory something he didn't know, for all the Doctor knew this could have just been an excuse.

"He does..." she replied quietly. "I would tell you myself but... I can't physically bring myself to say it to you, it hurts Doctor, it hurts so much." Her voice was shaky and uneasy again.

"Ok, ok... take it easy." He comforted her. One hand went to the back of her head gently pulling it to his chest whilst the other wrapped around her body in a loving, comforting hug. "I didn't mean to upset you but if I don't know what's wrong I can't make it better." He added trying to reassure her he will help.

"If only it were that simple..." she mumbled into his chest.

"How's it not simple? What do you mean it hurts?" he was still concerned.

"Because... because it's too complicated for you to fix so easily, I don't even know if you can fix it. I can't tell you myself, it makes me hurt to even think about it, let alone say it to anyone especially you." She listened to his hearts beating in a harmonic rhythm.

"River, I may have no idea who or what you are but I promise you I will help you the best way I can." He stroked her cheek with his hand consolingly.

"You can't, it's too early." She admitted.

"I'll try. That's all I can guarantee, I will try once Rory has told me." He promised her, this was the most important promise he has made to her in his timeline.

He slowly began to move his body away from River's leaning his torso back from the bars slightly. She lifted her head as he moved away to see his eyes so determined to help.

"Will I find out who you are River Song?" the Doctor asked inquisitively, he desperately wanted an answer.

"Very very soon, and it will change everything about us. But what Rory tells you won't change anything; it was bound to come up at some point." She added, thinking he would ask that next.

"I wasn't even considering that..." the Doctor defended poorly. He started walking back to the TARDIS, looking over his shoulder at River.

She stood by the bars with a hand holding one of the bars as she watched him with a saddened gaze. Her body was tense as she gripped the bar tighter, wanting to tell him everything but it was just too soon. Besides, Rory knows something that would help him understand what she feels when she sees him- that's a start...

As he reached the door he spun on his heels smiling. "River, I will make it better. Just wait a bit..." He pointed both of his index fingers at her still with a warm grin on his face as he placed one foot inside the door. "I'm guessing this is the part where you say I'll see you again very soon. And River Song... I look forward to it." He spoke the last part very contently; he truly meant it this time. His smile widened as he admired her one last time for now then he pulled his head inside the Police box closing the door slowly behind him. "Rory... can I have a word?" she could very faintly hear him call out.

The engines began to hum as the TARDIS dematerialised from the prison corridor slowly fading into the time vortex. They created a small gust that blew through the corridor. It brushed around River; the soothing feeling was somewhat of a comfort as it ran through her thick golden curls blowing them gently behind her shoulders. The breeze caressed her thin legs running over her dark grey dress, the material swept across her skin. She sighed heavily as it disappeared from sight and the breeze died down to nothing, she was alone once again.

She turned her head to the blue diary that rested on her bed's pillow at her left. She took a large step towards it, her hands wrapping around the TARDIS-like cover as she clutched it close to her chest, over her heart. She sobbed as the tears she tried to hold back earlier escaped her eyes. She collapsed in a depressed heap on the side of the bed, protecting the diary. She wanted to be the one to tell him but she was too weak.

"If only you knew..."


End file.
